Laughter is the sound of play! Laughter is so contagious that if you’re laughing, your child will start laughing, too. Also, having a laugh together as a family is one of the best ways to bond with your kids.
Children love adventures and jokes, so what better way to laugh than reading funny pirate jokes and riddles. Pirate stories are known for their unexpected twists and “arrrrr” moments.
Read on as we share more than 100 hilarious pirate jokes and riddles for your children to enjoy.
130+ Funny Pirate Jokes For Kids
1. How do the pirates know that they are pirates?
They think so, therefore they ARRRR!
2. What kind of ship do pirates find it hard to maintain?
Relationship!
3. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye! (Eye to eye)
4. Where do pirates park their ships?
In the harrrrrrbor
5. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they will just wash up on the shore later
6. Where do pirates go for the bathroom?
The poop-deck!
7. Why did the pirate go for a vacation?
He needed a little arrr and arrr.
8. What grades did the pirates get in school?
High Cs
9. What did the pirate get when he hit the skeleton?
A skull and the CROSS bones!
10. What will you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie
11. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
AAARRRGHentina!
12. What did the pirate do the day before Halloween?
Mow his front yarrrrrd!
13. Which gym did the pirate visit?
The Gold’s Gym
14. What is the worst thing about cleaning a pirate ship?
The barrrrrrnacles
15. What did the pirate say when his leg got stuck in the freezer?
“Shiver me timber!”
16. How does a pirate, who wears a patch, say “Yes” to the captain?
“Eye Eye, captain.”
17. Which restaurant do pirates love the most?
The Harrrrrrd Rock Cafe
18. Why do pirates give away eye patches on Halloween?
Because iPads arrrrr too expensive!
19. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
He bought it on sail.
20. What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog?
Patches
21. Why do pirates like killing zombies so much?
They are easy tarrrrrrgets!
22. Where did the pirate put his Halloween decoration?
In his front yarrrrrd!
23. How will you make a pirate furious?
Just take away the “p”
24. How do you know if a doctor is dressed up as a pirate?
He says AED a lot!
25. What was the pirate’s favorite mode of land transportation?
Carrrrrrr
26. Where do pirates put their cars while they’re sailing?
A parrrrrking lot
27. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a jarrrr
28. What was the pirate’s favorite U.S. state?
Arrrrkansas
29. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye matey (I’m eighty) years old!”
30. Why didn’t the pirate eat candy on Halloween?
He was on a low Carrrrrrb diet!
31. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
It just waved saying nothing.
32. What soda do pirates’ always drink?
Arrrrrr Sea cola (RC Cola)
33. Why do Pirates hang out in groups and drink on Halloween?
Coz they love to paarrrrrrty!
34. How do pirates make their money?
By hook or by crook
35. Where do pirates buy pencils and sketch pads?
The arrrrrrt store.
36. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates
37. What do pirates do for fun?
Have parrrrrrties
38. What do pirates put on their toast?
Jelly Roger!
39. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
Polly wants a ‘quacker.’
40. What did the pirate penguin say to the parrot?
Nothing – penguins don’t speak parrot!
41. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?
He enjoys ‘Aaarrrrttt’.
42. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy and the other a tumbling rummy.
43. How do you save a drowning pirate?
With C P ARRRRR.
44. Why didn’t the pirate get hungry on the desert island?
Because of the sand-which is there!
45. What does a pirate eat for breakfast?
Captain Crunch
46. How much does a pirate pay for his piercings?
A buck-an-ear
47. Why did the pirate like playing golf?
He was always under parrrrr.
48. What does a gourmet pirate add to the plate to make it look nice?
A Garrrrr-nish
49. What did the pirate say during the winter storm?
Thar she snows!
50. What are pirates afraid of?
The darrrrrk!
51. What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?
The hook shot
52. What do pirates do on Black Friday?
Shop the sails
53. Why does it take the pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
54. Where do Pirates get their wooden legs from?
From a Carrrrrpenter!
55. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
Leeks!
56. I have never heard any funny pirate jokes, have you?
Well, neither have ayyyeee.
57. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
The plank!
58. What was the pirate’s favorite food?
Arrrrrtichokes!
59. What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck
60. What’s a pirate’s favorite Halloween noise maker?
A parrrrty popper!
61. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
He needed a new ipatch.
62. Why did the pirate go to the college?
To become an arrrrrchitect!
63. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
Because swords can’t walk
64. What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?
“You are perfect just the way you Arrrrr!”
65. What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes?
A dozen pirates
66. Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?
Aarrrrggh-2-D-2
67. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
68. What do you call a pirate’s painting?
Pirate’s painted piracy!
69. What is a pirate’s favorite doll?
Baaaaarrrrrrbie!
70. Which famous pirate was always sad?
Captain Blue-Beard
71. How did the pirate stop computer hackers?
He installed a patch.
72. What do you call a foolish pirate?
The pillage fool
73. What are a pirate’s favorite letters?
Arrrr (R) and C (sea)
74. What did the pirate get when he crossed a cat with a parrot?
A carrot!
75. Where do pirates go for a drink?
At the sandbar
76. Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?
Because it was rated Aaaargh.
77. What type of socks do pirates wear?
Arrrrgyle!
78. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
Because he kept hooking the ball!
79. What bank is a pirate’s favorite bank?
The sandbank
80. What do pirates order at Italian restaurants?
Chicken Parrrrrmesan with spaghetti
81. Why did the shipwrecked pirate call his friend?
Because he trusted his friend-ship.
82. Which Halloween candy do pirates like the most?
Sweet Tarrrrrts.
83. Why do Pirates cry on their own?
Because they have private tears
84. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
Captain Hooky!
85. Why don’t pirates go trick-or-treating on Halloween?
They arrrrr afraid of witches.
86. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food?
BARRRR-B-Q!
87. What did the pirate say to the sumo wrestler?
You sure arrrrr fat.
88. What did the pirate get when he crossed a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie-talkie!
89. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
90. Who was the first pirate?
Noah, the builder of the Arrrrk.
91. Why was the pirate digging at the beach?
To bury the hatchet!
92. Why were the pirate’s friends with Donkey Kong?
Because he was a barrrrel of fun
93. Where do pirates put their trash?
The Garrrrrbage can
94. What did the pirate say when he made a mistake?
To arrrr is pirate
95. What’s orange and sounds like a pirate’s parrot?
A carrot!
96. What happens when one pirate sees another pirate?
Pira-See!
97. What was the pirate’s girlfriend called?
Peggy!
98. What did a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
99. Why do pirates make great lawyers?
Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing
100. What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?
The hook!
101. Which side of a pirate’s parrot has the prettiest feathers?
The outside!
102. Why did the pirate go to acting school?
He wanted a parrrrrt in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
103. What did one pirate say to the other?
“I sea you!”
104. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch
105. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ya left him
106. What do you get when you cross a pirate’s parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ear off!
107. Why do people find it very hard to call a pirate?
Because he always leaves his phone off the hook
108. Which baseball team did the pirate play for?
The Pittsburgh Pirates
109. Why are pirates great singers?
They can hit the high Cs!
110. How did one pirate greet another pirate?
“Hiii-est!”
111. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
Swordfish
112. What would you call a pirate with four eyes?
An iiiirate
113. Why did the caged pirate dress up as a lawyer?
To pass through the barrrrs!
114. What did the pirate’s first mate send down the stream?
The Captain’s log
115. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites
116. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
117. What do pirates eat on cold winter nights?
Hearrrrrty stews
118. What do you call a pirate with two arms and two legs?
A not-a-pirate!
119. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say, “Once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.”
120. Which Pokemon could also be a pirate?
Arrrrrr-bok
121. Why can’t you take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?
Because a wooden leg doesn’t take pictures!
122. On Halloween, where did all the pirates park their ships?
In the harrrrrbor!
123. Which instrument do pirates love?
The guitaaarrrrr.
124. What was the pirate’s parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and speak
125. Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop
126. Why did the pirate move to Russia?
To become a Czaaarrrrr
127. What is a pirate’s favorite color?
Gold!
128. Why do pirates love Thanksgiving?
They get to carrrrrve the turkey.
129. What is a pirate’s hairstyle called?
A crew cut!
130. How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
He takes the elevataaarrrrr!
131. What type of apple do pirates always look for?
Jonagold!
132. What does the captain keep up his sleeve?
His armie
133. What do you say when a pirate steals during a storm?
Plunder and Lightning
These are our favorite pirate jokes and puns for your young ones. You can share these jokes at your next Halloween party or family gathering; play dress-up in the pirate costumes, and pirate skit nights with kids. Let your kids go gaga over these funny pirate riddles.
Don’t forget to stress on your “arrrrs!”
